Self-esteem is the key to success or failure. It is a major requirement of a fulfilling life and of mental healthiness. How you feel about yourself crucially affects virtually every aspect of your experience. From the way you function at work, in love or sex, to the way you operate as a parent, to how high in life you are likely to rise. Your responses are shaped by who and what you think you are. It is also the key to understanding yourself and other people. I cannot think of a single psychological problem, from anxiety and depression, to fear of intimacy or success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to underachievement at school or work, or emotional immaturity that does not have its roots in self-esteem.
Of all the judgements you pass, none is more important as the one you pass on yourself.
Healthy self-esteem means that you continually make choices in your thoughts and actions that are aligned with and support your values, peace of mind and your dreams. It is when you value and accept your own worth as a human being and at the same time value and accept the worth of others. Increasing your self-esteem is a process, not something you develop overnight.
Two components that embody self-esteem are competence and worthiness.
- High self-esteem as entailing that deep rooted experience that I am really competent to cope with the challenges in life, and also worthiness of happiness and success.
- Low self-esteem meaning that at deep levels, I really doubt my abilities to cope with the many challenges of life and/or that I really feel deserving of happiness. That turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy; I will rise just as high as my self-concept can accommodate and then I will stop.
The possibility of developing a healthy self-confidence and self-respect is inherent in our nature.
Self-confidence has its basis in our ability to think, and the fact that we are alive is the basic source of our right to strive for happiness. Ideally, everyone should enjoy a high level of self-esteem and experience both self-trust and a strong sense that happiness is appropriate.
Unfortunately, many people don’t. Many people suffer from feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, self-doubt, guilt or fear of full participation in life. They may experience a vague, nameless sense that they are not enough. These feelings are not always recognized and acknowledged, but they are there.
The Consequences and Rewards of Self-Respect and Self-Confidence:
- You understand and master what you need to understand and master and you respect and stand up for your interests and needs.
- You feel confident and worthy or appropriate to life. (With low self- esteem you feel inappropriate to life. Wrong – not about this issue or that – but wrong as a person. With average self-esteem you’ll fluctuate between feeling appropriate and inappropriate/right and wrong as a person. You’ll sometimes act wisely and sometimes act foolishly and this will reinforce feelings of uncertainty.)
- The better equipped you are to cope with life’s adversities.
- The more likely it is you will be innovative rather than ritualistic and tradition-bound in your work. (And this ensures greater success in a world of increasingly rapid change.)
- The more ambitious you tend to be. (Not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but more broadly in creative and spiritual terms.)
- You are more likely to form nourishing rather than destructive relationships. (Since like is drawn to like, health is attracted to health, and vitality and expansiveness are more appealing than emptiness and exploitativeness.)
- You are more inclined to treat others with respect, benevolence, and good will. (Since you don’t perceive them as threats and since self-respect is the foundation of respect for others.)
- The more joy you experience in the sheer fact of being, of waking up in the morning and living inside your own skin.
Want to experience healthy self-esteem? Want to sustain that self-esteem and learn to become your Best Self? Not sure where to start? Stay Tuned!
Warm Regards,
Gina McKee
Gina McKee is a yoga enthusiast, movie buff, and a firm believer in the MindBody connection. Her app, Chai Pro-Insight to go, is available from Amazon, ITunes and Google Play. She also has a private practice in O’Fallon, Il. specializing in counseling women and children of all ages.
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